Introduction
For the first assignment of the semester, we were required to find a feature article from The New York Times and write a summary of the article, as well as an evaluation of the writing. Its language, tone, jargon, and objectivity were all commented on.
Peer Review and Instructor Feedback
This is an in class exercise we did to improve our editing skills
These two images above are the feedback I received from my peers for this assignment.
This is my peer review sheet for this assignment
Final Draft
Post-Op Pre-Birth
During pregnancy, a bundle of cells slowly develops into a child. Unfortunately, this development does not always bear a healthy child. Countless children have been born with impairments acquired during pregnancy. Many of these disorders are incurable; however, doctors attempt to diagnose these issues prior to birth to prepare proper treatment measures, if possible. As science and technology advance, some treatments become outdated, while the new and more potent ones come to life. On October 23, 2017, Denise Grady of The New York Times published an article, “To Mend a Birth Defect, Surgeons Operate on the Patient Within the Patient.” Grady discusses a new operation used on unborn, or prenatal, children to treat their spinal defects. Her article provides an objective and concise overview of the procedure and relays its importance in pediatric medicine through a family’s experience.
In Texas Children’s Hospital, Joshuwa and Lexi Royer had an ultrasound to see their son for the very first time. To their surprise, their 13-week-old fetus was diagnosed with spina bifida. In this condition, the tissue that surrounds the spinal column does not close completely. This leaves a small gap that exposes the spine. The condition itself is not fatal, therefore it is normally treated after birth through surgery. Children with spina bifida can experience physical disabilities, bladder dysfunction, and other issues. These complications were thought to be caused by amniotic fluid entering through the cavity and damaging spinal nerves. Dr. William Whitehead and Dr. Michael A. Belfort believed that if they could conduct an experimental operation on the fetus, they would be able to close the gap which would prevent further spinal damage by the amniotic fluid. As time passed, doctors anticipated the child’s quality of life would be far better if the prenatal surgery was conducted. On September 27, 2017, Mrs. Royer and her now 24-week-old son went in for their operation. During the operation, the uterus was carefully removed from Mrs. Royer, and the fetus was operated on through small incisions through the uterus. By avoiding completely opening the uterus, Dr. Whitehead and Dr. Belfort were able to ensure that the child would experience better development in its last trimester. The surgeons successfully completed the operation, leaving a promising future for prenatal surgery.
This story was crucial to report because it shares the success of a branch of pediatric medicine that has not been well-developed. Therefore, it is important that Grady can communicate the circumstances of the operation and its success. Grady does provide substantial information regarding the illness and the surgery itself. She sufficiently describes what spina bifida is in layman terms. She also explains the surgery vividly and even notes how the doctors used sheep as a simulation for the operation.
Grady also takes the science and connects it to a real-life scenario in which it was used. If she wrote this article without the real experience of the Royer family, prenatal surgery would be perceived as an imaginative theory. However, now that the audience can see that the operation has tangible effects, its importance is magnified. Now the average American reading this article is familiar with the experimental procedure, and a life that it was able to impact.
Grady is also very objective in her writing. She does not provide her opinion as to whether the surgery is beneficial or not. Instead, she provides facts and quotes of relevant people who contribute to the theme that this operation is moving medicine in the right direction.
References
Grady D. To Mend a Birth Defect, Surgeons Operate on the Patient Within the Patient. The New York Times. 2017 Oct 23 [accessed 2018 Feb 12]. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/23/health/fetal-surgery-spina-bifida.html
Self Assessment
For this assignment, I think I was able to identify key points that needed to be mentioned. 600 words is very short, so it was necessary to eliminate extraneous information from my writing, which I did well. Also, I think I was able to write in a format that catered well to my audience. For this assignment, my audience was people who were interested in analyzing scientific writing. My summary used general terms and my evaluation focused on key aspects of scientific writing that my readers would be interested in.
I learned more about my topic, pre-natal surgery, but I also learned about the importance of revision. While my peers read my work, they noticed that my thesis was vague and that my evaluation was strong. They suggested I connect the two points better.
I enjoyed doing this assignment because I was able to share a topic I am interested in and assess its quality as scientific writing. This was the first time this year I wrote an essay assessing another writer’s work, and it helped me improve my own writing by broadening my writing arsenal.
Farhan's Writing for the Sciences Portfolio 